Thursday, 10 October 2013

Thoughtful Thursday #1

How Blue do my eyes look here?! They usually look really Green!
So welcome to a new little feature. It's not going to be a weekly feature but more of a every other week sort of thing. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to get from these posts but maybe a way to release things that have been bugging me for the week? Or maybe just something I want to talk about. 
So this week I'm going start with something that's been bugging me for a few weeks. I was inspired to write this post after having a down half hour and hearing Jimmy Eat World's The Middle and the lyrics Live right now, yeah, just be yourself. It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else. Which got me thinking about; why do we change ourselves to impress people? Why can't we just keep on being ourselves?This topic has been bugging me since July, why do we change who we are for our other halves or to impress the opposite sex? Why can't we just keep being ourselves? Why do we feel the need to put more make up on or dress different to impress them? If they're worth keeping they'd like us for our real-selves right? I found this out the hard way.
Many of you will know that back in July I broke up with John after 2 and a half years together. It was hard but it was the right thing to do, it took me months of being unhappy and a trip to Download Festival to realise that I wasn't who I wanted to be and I was hiding who I was. Don't get me wrong John was lovely but I changed myself so much to keep him interested and when I got back from Download I could tell he wasn't sure about me anymore, Kloe the Goth was back and wasn't going anywhere. I'd changed the way I dressed and my life style to keep a guy interested in me, why? I was afraid no one else would ever like me. I mean who would like a girl who listens to metal, wants to be covered in tattoos and wants to get married at Download Festival? (Perhaps a pretty fit metal guy with tattoos and a beard? Yes? No? Ok.) So I changed but it's not just me lots of people change themselves and it really bugs me, if someone is worth your love and you shouldn't they care and love the real you that's deep down inside? 'Cause they'll just find out sooner or later won't they.
I recently got faced with this decision again, I got a proposition of sorts, I wasn't too interested but thought oh I might give this a go. This was until he told me I should go to the gym and give up pizza. I've been meaning to join the gym for a year and finally did which has made me happy but give up pizza? Give up pizza?!  Pizza is my life no one can tell me what I can and can't eat! I mean hell I don't really want a guy telling me to join the gym either but you know guys are idiots really aren't they? Imagine if we tried to tell them what to wear and what to do they wouldn't have it would they? I obviously told this guy where he could take his none pizza eating ass.
I've been getting back to my old self and I'm loving it and I'm never going to change for anyone again unless it's for myself or for a good reason. I guess it's a lesson we all need to learn, we need to learn to love and accept ourselves before we'll be happy with someone else. Or else we'll just let them mold us into what they would like us to be like and it just gets so confusing for you when you realise it's not what you want. We don't need to give up the things we love (unless you have a serious drinking problem then maybe you should give that up.) just to gain a relationship where months or years down the line we'll realise we're unhappy. Suck up the single life and enjoy it don't change for someone who's fairly hot and gives you the first bit of attention you've had in a while. Just be yourself and you'll find someone who loves you even if you do stuff your face with pizza in bed whilst watching Harry Potter.
I think what I'm trying to say is we all need to chill out and just be happy without selves and stop trying to impress others and eat what we want and do what we want. We don't need to change for a guy and I'm sick to death of people doing this or putting on an act in front of a guy they like. Get a grip man come on, they'll find out sooner or later that you can't play a sport or that you hate their favourite band come on. 

I really think these posts will just be for me to ramble about my current thoughts on certain subjects really haha. I hope this post has made some sense to you. It's definitely made me feel better about things now I've got it out of my system.
What do you think, do you agree you should stay yourself? Or do you think you should change? I'd love to know your opinions.
K. x


  1. I totally agree, when I was with my ex I wasn't who I wanted to be, I totally girlied up and if it wasn't for him I'd probably me more pierced for starters! I still don't think that I'm who I want to be but I'm taking steps to be a bit more like inner Beca! :D Go you for finding who you are :) xxx

    1. Same, I'd probably have so many more tattoos if it wasn't for him! I'm not where near who I want to be but I'm getting there so it's great :) xxx

  2. wow. i really love this post. and that guy is a total tool! gosh he's an idiot! and you're right - you want someone to love you for who you are, so just keep on keepin' on!