E is for Emotionless
My friends have this joke where they say I'm emotionless, but then and when I show some emotion act shocked, it's been this way for years haha. I wanted to use the A-Z of me series to share my favourite things that begin with a certain letter or give you insight to my life or tell you about me as a person and how I act so you can get to know me better so that is why E is all about the way I act. So emotionless a person who has no emotions or pretends not to right? Thinking about it, it's no wonder people don't see me as a friendly or approachable person when I rarely share my emotions with people. I once cried in front of Abbey and she just didn't know what to do, we'd been friends for well over a year and I'd been through two break ups and other stuff yet she'd never seen me cry until this one day where I was just sick of everything last Nvoember and she was pretty shocked. As most people are, if I cry to you or in front of you, I must really trust you and you've got to be a real special person haha.
I'm that person that hides how I'm feeling, I keep it all inside until I burst and when I burst it's awful. Yet I still try to hide how I really feel, I really struggle to share my emotions with people I can open up to a certain point, but then I usually just drop it because well I hate bugging people with my problems and well once I get emotional I don't stop for a little while haha. I know I complain major amounts on twitter and show emotion on here but I always forget other people read this stuff I always use it for me as an outlet when I do that kind of thing because I hate crying in front of people, I always feel like I look weak. So I try to make myself look emotionless and act it until I'm alone. It sometimes makes me come off as a dickhead but I'd rather look like a dick than let someone know they've hurt me because then they can do it again. I'm not really sure what else to say about being emotionless, I struggled with E and when I thought of Emotionless I couldn't think of a better word for me. Haha.
Being emotionless isn't easy, but I've built a wall up to hide myself and my feelings from others and I find it so hard to let that down or once it's down to put it back up. Of course pretty much everything effects me like it does the next person but I try to build a wall up so that I don't get hurt. It's how I get by. So E is for Emotionless, I could have gone with England but that's as grim a topic haha. Also I feel like I've proper let you guys in here so please be nice to me and don't judge me ha.
What word would you use to describe yourself beginning with E?